“While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons of light.” When Jesus had said these things, he departed and hid himself from them. Though he had done so many signs before them, they still did not believe in him…
John 12:36-37
Lord Jesus, how many times have I just not believed? How many times have You shown me Your fingerprints at work around me and I either questioned whether it was You or just flat out doubted? How many times have You beckoned me to do something and I questioned, “Did God really say?” I confess I can be very hardheaded and stubborn. Occasionally I can set my mind on a course of action or a direction requiring a literal act of God to change it. And even then, when You show me You are changing it, I can be so numb in the brain that I question You!
As I reflect upon that day before the Last Supper, my soul ponders the fact that You have often done so much before me and still I sometimes struggle with believing. Not believing in You. My heart is set. No. Believing all of Your promises. Somethings seem way too hard for even You to get me out of. My head knows You can. But my heart holds on to doubts. Though time and time again You have demonstrated that You can and will, I still fall back into that place of disbelief.
Well, today I am thankful that, unlike that day, You do not depart and hide Yourself from me because of my disbelief. Instead, You are patient towards me, understanding my frailty of thought, and compassionately bringing me along. I thank You that today You and Your glory are on full display in my life, reminding me that though I be like that father in Mark who cried, “I believe; help my unbelief,” You will never give up on me. You know what I am wrestling with and You care.
So today, I just praise and worship You. I thank You for the provision that You have made, are making and will make to supply all of my needs. I thank You for the promise of answered prayers and perfect peace. But most of all, I thank You for Your unwavering commitment to never leave me nor forsake me. I can rest in peace knowing that You will always be right here. Thank You! Amen.