And Saul said to his servants who stood about him, “Hear now, people of Benjamin; will the son of Jesse give every one of you fields and vineyards, will he make you all commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds, that all of you have conspired against me? No one discloses to me when my son makes a covenant with the son of Jesse. None of you is sorry for me or discloses to me that my son has stirred up my servant against me, to lie in wait, as at this day.”
1 Samuel 22:7-8
Lord, I confess my propensity to feel sorry for myself, to feel like it is me against the world, and that everyone is conspiring against me. When it feels like nothing is going my way or that I can’t seem to catch a break, I find that I can quickly go to that place of feeling like I am fighting against a headwind that I cannot overcome. Yes, I am quick to quote Romans 8:28 when things are going good or at the worse “so-so”. But what about when I just can’t seem to get ahead? It is in those moments that I tend to lick my lick my proverbial wounds, shaking my fist towards Heaven and call out to You asking why don’t You have my back!
Today, I see the folly of this thinking. I recognize that the problem isn’t those around me or even You not showing up. It is me. Where is faith when I am going on in this way? Where is my trust and reliance upon You and Your love for me? Forgive me! Father, I know that You have a plan for my life that has, as it goal, to bless me, prosper me, and give me a great future (Jeremiah 29:11).
I often forget that this promise came during a time when Your people were in captivity in a foreign land. Things did not look good for them. Yet, in hindsight, it was all part of Your glorious plan. Even when You sent Your Son things did not look good in the land of Israel. Yet, again, You had a glorious plan. Continue to remind me that no matter what I am going through that You have a glorious plan, one that includes the temporary pain and discomfort of right now. The time has come to stop feeling sorry for myself and embrace the great work You are doing in and around me. Have Your way. It may not feel good but in the end I will thrive to Your glory! Amen!