And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”
Mark 8:34 (ESV)
Lord Jesus, this is a much quoted verse. All who love You and follow You know it and profess to doing just that: denying ourselves. However, this morning my spirit is asking me, “How much do I really deny myself?”
When I look at the surface things, the blatant sins and passions of my flesh and this world, I can “proudly” say I do just that. As I go through that laundry list of lusts that I avoid I feel like that rich, young ruler declaring to You when You asked him if he knew the Commandments, “Teacher, all these I have kept from my youth.” (Mark 10:20) Yet, this morning Your words pierce my heart even as they pierced his: “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” (Mark 10:21) Yes, I am following You. But the question that I have lingering in the back of my mind is have I “sold all that I have and given to the poor”? Have I truly denied myself? Am I bearing the cross with You?
I realize this is not a one and done, ask it a single time and satisfy the requirement question, but is one that I must ask myself everyday, all day. When I am driving down the street and see that homeless person begging and have $20 in my pocket, I must ask that question. When I am looking on Amazon to purchase that next trinket, I must ask that question. When I am feeding my face and enjoying my meals, I must ask that question. I must ask what does it mean today, right now, to deny myself?
Lord Jesus, I desire You more than life itself. I want to be found in You, clothed in Your righteousness (Philippians 3:9). I want to be one with You (John 17:21), crucified with You, You living in me and through me (Galatians 2:20). My life is not my own. So today, show me how You would have me to deny myself of what this world has to offer that I might be made full in You. You are my soul’s satisfaction! Fill my cup with YOUR presence! Then I shall truly be satisfied. Amen.