I opened to my beloved, but my beloved had turned and gone. My soul failed me when he spoke. I sought him, but found him not; I called him, but he gave no answer.
Song of Solomon 5:6
Lord, how many times have I sought You only to feel that You were not there? Or looked for You in a situation, expecting Your presence, only to sense that You are distant? Though I rise early to meet You, how many times have I found that I am met with silence? My spirit within me compels me to run to You, with echos of Your voice speaking to the inner recesses of my being. The promise of joy causes me to get spiritually “weak at the knees” as I reflect upon the possibility of fellowshipping with You. Yet how many times have I, in that moment, plodded through Your Word seeking that special something, attempting to open up my heart to You, and yet my soul is not stirred? As the verse proclaims, “my soul failed me” in some respect because when You beckoned me I was preoccupied with the things of this world. I confess my brokenness and inability to love You as You so deserve. Yet, it is my prayer today, Lord, that You be not silent to Your servant. Do not withdraw Your presence from me. Instead, satisfy my longing for You with a word from You, a reminder of Your love for me. Do not leave me to wander this place alone, but instead encourage my soul with Your never failing love and care for me. Fill my heart with Your presence, though I cannot see You, and touch me with Your hand, though I cannot feel You. Continue to remind me that I am Yours, loved by You and cared for by You. Help me to know that I know that I know that You are here, indeed never leaving me nor forsaking me. Quell my fears and calm my nerves. Grant me peace this day and everyday. Thank You for loving me in Christ Jesus. Amen.