I am not able to carry all this people alone; the burden is too heavy for me. If you will treat me like this, kill me at once, if I find favor in your sight, that I may not see my wretchedness.”
Numbers 11:14-15
Lord, I need You. I often believe that I can go at it alone. In my “holiness” I even give You the credit for giving me the strength, insight, and gifts necessary to accomplish the task at hand. When it is all done, accomplished through my efforts, I even give You the credit for making it happen. One of my favorite phrases to use is, “I own the effort; God owns the results.” Yet, today I confess that many times hidden in all that effort is the mindset that says, “I got this; I can do this.” And I launch out into the space striving to get it done. It is only when I run up against a challenge that is too great for me, obstacles too difficult to overcome, or headwinds that continue to press me backwards that I realize I cannot do it alone. Today my soul is reminded that those times are not the exceptions. They are my everyday norm. Whether great or small, the burden is too much for me. Whether little or a lot, I cannot carry it alone. Whether I have done it before or it is completely new to me, I cannot be successful. In all situations and in all circumstances I need You. If I but peel back the layers and take an honest look at myself and my capabilities, I cannot help but see that I am at best an imposter feigning to have it all together and under control. It is You that undergirds me. You that gives me clarity. You that gives me the knowledge and wisdom. You that gives success. Today, my prayer is not that You would not leave me to my own devices because You have been faithful not to leave me in that condition regardless of whether I have asked or not. My prayer instead is that You would continue to remind me of my need for You that I might acknowledge You in all that I do this day – from greatest to least significant – that I would conscious in the moment of Your hand not only upon but also upholding me. Lord, important to me today is sensing my utter dependence upon You. I don’t want to live without You. I won’t go a step further without You. Thank You for loving me so deeply and so completely. I love You. Amen.