When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. They did not know what to say to him.
Mark 14:40 (NIV)
Lord Jesus, that old cliché “sounding like a broken record” sometimes feels so apropos for me. How many times have I had to either explain myself or apologize for something that I said or did, or come before You asking for forgiveness for a failing in my character, behavior or thoughts?
Today in my mind’s eye, I see the three, Your most trusted disciples, whom You asked to keep watch – to have Your back – snoozing while You agonize over what is about to take place. And You hold them accountable not once, not twice but three times! And yet they kept falling asleep on the job! You were about to give Your life for them and they couldn’t even stay awake for You!
Lord, if that doesn’t sound like me I don’t know what does. Yes, am often like Peter and blurt out I will die for You (Mark 14:31). Yet, I am also like Peter and allow my physical to trump my spiritual. And like the three, when You confront me with it, I do not know what to say. I’m dumbfounded. I’m embarrassed. But most of all, I’m sorry.
Today, my soul is eternally grateful because You could chastise me, rebuk me, tell me about how worthless I am. But You don’t. Instead, like You did with them, You graciously just show me my failing, point me towards what I should do, and give me another chance. And another. And another. You don’t hold my failings against me but use them to make me better. What an awesome God You are!
So today, Lord, I make it my aim to please You. Though I know I will fall down and asleep in the process, Help me to do everything I can to stay vigilant. Please continue to show me where I am falling short, not meeting Your expectations. Hold me accountable. Help me to be better today than I was yesterday. And grow me to be better tomorrow than I am right now to Your glory. Amen.