“O my God, I am ashamed and blush to lift my face to you, my God, for our iniquities have risen higher than our heads, and our guilt has mounted up to the heavens.”
Ezra 9:6
Lord Jesus, as I read this verse today, my sin weighs heavy on my soul. The weight of it looms over me, a constant reminder that I am not worthy to be in Your presence, let alone be called Your child. When I think about what I have focused my attention on over the last 5 minutes, let alone 24 hours, I cannot help but acknowledge that I have not placed serving You, loving You and others, and living a life pleasing to You first. So often righteousness is broken down to a routine of doing “good deeds”, with me believing that I am performing Your will just because I am being a “good person”. If I haven’t done something heinous and clearly disobedient I consider myself to have lived out a righteous day.
Yet, today I think about the rich, young ruler who asked You what must he do to earn eternal life. After telling him to keep all the commandments, he exclaimed he had done so. That sounds like me! With compassion You challenged him to sell all he had, give it to the poor and to follow You. Sacrifice the world and follow You. Sacrifice esteem and notoriety and follow you. Sacrifice what it meant in his eyes to be himself and follow you. Against that backdrop, I am falling short.
Lord, I come to You confessing that I am not all I need to be. I lay my brokenness at the foot of Your cross, openly declaring to You that I fall short. I confess my sinfulness and self-absorption. I confess that I do not often put You first. I confess that I can be quickly caught up in the things of the world and be oblivious to Your calling and speaking to my spirit in the moment. I confess that I need You.
Have mercy on me, Lord. I am indeed very sorry. Remove my sins from me. And, cleanse my conscious of their stain, reminding me that in You I have forgiveness in my past, present and future. Continue to convict my conscious daily to lay my faults and issues before You that I might no longer carry them but instead walk in the freedom that is mine through Your shed blood on my behalf. Thank You Jesus for loving me just as I am and giving me what I so desperately stand in the need of! My soul cries out to You in heartfelt gratitude. Thank You for Your unfailing love!