Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.
John 11:5-6 (ESV)
Lord Jesus, these verses today make me feel some kind of way. As I read them yesterday, I had to put them on the “stovetop” of my spirit and allow them to simmer a bit, because I could not put to words how they made me feel in the moment. And now, having read them again, knowing that You loved Martha and Mary, and knowing that “staying” meant that they would go through the pain of losing their brother, I cannot get past the word “so,” which implies that the reason You did not go to them immediately, the reason You let them go through the agony of the loss, the reason You did not send them notice that You would be there, was because You loved them!
Lord, how many times have You allowed me to go through pain in this life and I have been like Martha, coming before You, and crying out, “Lord, if You had been here this would not have happened!?” (John 11:21). Or how many times have I been like Mary, hearing that You here but looming behind, caught up in my feelings, only really responding to Your presence when You call out to me (John 11:28-29)? And to think, the pain that I was going through, am going through, is all part of Your plan? And because You love me?
Lord, this causes me to see those words in verse 35 so differently. Yes, seeing Mary weeping moved You. But it is so much deeper, so much more intimate than that. You know what You must shepherd us through. You know the pain that we must encounter in this life, the losses we must endure, the heartaches we must carry. No options. They are part of Your plan, part of what Your have purposed should come our way. And they are because You love us. Not just the good. Even the not so good.
As I grapple with the “not so good” today, I thank You for loving me so much. Yes, sometimes it feels like I am going through it alone, but there is a reason why You want me to “feel” alone – to strengthen my faith in You. Sometimes I will feel tremendous loss, but there is a reason why you want me to “feel” tremendous loss – to deepen my appreciation for what I have in You. Thank You for encouraging my heart this morning and loving me enough to weep with me through it all.