On October 13th we all gathered in the little room where we have fellowship in the back, a room commandeered by us when the previous renters folded shop. As we prepared for a quick meeting it was a familiar scene, children running around chasing each other, my granddaughter amongst them, with the adults chatting away about the goings on in their lives, oblivious to their presence. None were prepared for the content of the meeting save the four in leadership and my immediate family. My Uncle Harry, who sat amongst them, was not even informed of the announcement that I was about to make. In hindsight I suspect that the word “got out” because amongst them were members who had previously stopped attending in protest, mainly as a result of a pastoral decision that I made banning people from serving if they did not stay in the sanctuary and sit under the preached Word during the worship service. Calling everyone to order so that the meeting could start, I prayed. And after thanking everyone for attending I began to speak:
“The last Sunday of this month will be my last Sunday as pastor of Triumph Community Church. In two weeks I will be stepping down.”
The room was silent. There were no gasps. No sighs. A few questions came forward, but nothing out of the ordinary. Although this was a “surprise”, it did not take them by surprise. I believe in my spirit they could see it coming. After all, it was almost 12 months to the day that I told them I believed God had called us to end the church and move on. After years of decline and my inability to inspire people to rally around what I saw to be our calling, I was compelled to share with them what God had laid on my heart and to suggest the last Sunday of 2018 be our last Sunday as an organized body. Leaving that meeting, where there were a significant amount of tears from young and old alike, I believed I was doing the right thing although in the recesses of my heart I was not 100% sure. After a vote amongst themselves in a closed meeting and the spiritual guidance of my Pastor, we concluded that shutting the doors was not the right thing to do. I would prepare them, as I should have always been doing, for life after me. And so, having selected four individuals to the church leadership and 12 months of preparation, the time had come for me to step down.
How do you leave what has become your life’s work? 2019 marked 20 years in the Bolingbrook area trying to establish this ministry. In that time I have seen God raise up a prayer and Bible Study group into a ministry focused on reaching the lost. I had poured my life into this ministry, sacrificing in ways that only God knows, not only me, but my family, making Triumph the center of our world. How do you let it go?
This is a profound question that everyone will be confronted with one day. We all come to those forks in the road where the choices before us are either good vs. “gooder” or bad vs. “badder”. Plagued with the incessant tug in both directions, our hearts begin to take over, looking for that place of peace where we can comfortably just rest from being tossed to and fro. For me it was my future with the church that was birthed from my desire to worship in a place that was not “church as usual”. For others it may be launching out on a career filled with risks and future uncertainty. Regardless of the circumstance, we all come to a place where we must choose between those extremes, sometimes the differences being themselves subtle. However, when confronted with them you realize that you are at a transition point, a place where your life will be irrevocably changed. And as you stand at that threshold, you are confronted with the fact that you will be stepping into an unknown future, coming out of your comfort zone and trusting in God to do something new in your life.
As I reflected upon this reality, a Scripture came to mind:
When he was forty years old, it came into his heart to visit his brothers, the children of Israel. Acts 7:23
This is an unassuming text. It does not even appear to be relevant. The context is that Stephen is relaying the history of Israel to the High Priest and the council after having been seized by the synagogue of the Freedmen and others. It is from texts like this that we surmise the age of Moses when he transitioned from a prince in the palace, to a shepherd in the pasture. What has always intrigued me is that Moses had no idea when he was 39 that his life would change at 40. The text says one day “it came into his heart…” I’m sure that it was not the first time that he was compelled to visit his brethren in bondage. He must have seen them and had an affinity with them, carrying in his body the marks that he too was a Hebrew. There must have been other instances where he desired to act but chose not to either due to the eyes that were on the situation or his calculation of the consequences. Yet, this day marked the transition in his life and one act changed the course of his future. On the surface it appeared to be a foolish decision, costing him the comforts of the palace and the ear of Pharaoh. Yet, he had to go through the hardships of the consequences of that one decision in order to fulfill the ultimate call that God had on his life.
This is my season of moving from year 39 to 40. Like Moses, it came to my heart last year “to visit” my brethren and two weeks ago I acted. What is compelling me is this deep yearning to be used by God, to let go of what I hold on to regarding my gifts and capabilities, and to embrace the notion of being all I can be in Him. Sure, there is a deep mourning of my soul regarding the loss of my church. I so love the people and the work that we have done together. I treasure what God has done in us and through us. It has been one of my life’s greatest accomplishments. Yet, as I reflect upon this moment and meditate on what must have gone through the mind of Moses, my soul says, “Yes and amen,” to the decision that I have made, for the Bible says,
He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward. By faith he left Egypt, not being afraid of the anger of the king, for he endured as seeing him who is invisible. Hebrews 11:26-27
That indeed speaks to my heart’s condition. I too consider following Christ of greater wealth than the treasure of the “Egypt” that I have built for myself. And dare I say I am willing to suffer the words of men as they question my decision in order that I might see Him Who is invisible.